i need to process

Ray is in bed and I just finished watching the recording of the Democratic debate in CA. Despite being a huge Barack fan, I feel like Clinton "won". I'd like to see a stat that they put up in football - time of possession. It sure seemed like Hillary talked A LOT more than Obama.

I have mixed reactions to that. First, she did seem to skirt the questions in her answers. There are huge, complex issues involved, so it would be hard to be brief. But, it felt beyond that in Clinton's case. Felt like she was intentionally obfuscating the matter at hand much of the time - losing sight of the question in order to say what she wanted to say. Typical campaigning I guess.

Second, in her long answers that seemed to not get to the point of the question, she did come across as one who has a depth & breadth of knowledge and experience. This is the experienced candidate, ready from day one Hillary. And in that regard, she seemed the better candidate of the two. (let me just add that the English teacher in me cringed every time they used the superlative rather than the comparative adjective - I am the best candidate for the Dems, with only two persons, better is correct!)

OK, so back to my processing. The point where Obama got me to raise my head and shoulders off the pillow and point at the screen, was when he said his opposition to the war from the beginning was indicative of a distinctly different mindset. I found myself wishing he would hammer that distinctly different mindset issue home more often. It is the mindset that is reflected in his soaring "victory" speeches. It is the mindset that I see revealed in his book "The Audacity of Hope".

I think he could have elevated himself as the better of the two by drawing attention to his fundamentally different mindset. I wish he would have said more about his mindset tonight when he had a national audience prior to Super Tuesday. It is his distinctly different mindset that appeals to me most, it is what reflects his message of substantive change -

Time for bed.

once in a life time

Tonight Titus and I went downtown for the Obama Townhall gathering at the Municipal Auditorium (home to more NCAA tournament basketball games than any other venue in the USA). We stood in line for a LONG time and barely made the cut off to get into the building. Much to our pleasant surprise, as we filed into the mezzanine, our friends Laura & Nathanael were suddenly at our side!

Since we were about 5 rows deep, our view of the rostrum was totally blocked. So, operating under the "ask for forgiveness not permission" motto, Titus and I headed down to the level below. There we were met by a Missouri law enforcement officer who stopped us from going into the auditorium. This area was for press only. But, he took pity on us and offered to find a place for us. After checking with a Secret Service agent, he gave us the nod and mouthed "go on in".

Being so familiar with Barack's campaign, I didn't find the speech particularly inspiring or invigorating - mostly it was a repeat of what we've heard from him for months now. But it was still cool to be there and feel the energy of thousands of Kansas Citians determined to bring about change from the bottom up.

It had taken some coaxing to get Titus to even agree to go with me. But after some explanation and some videos on YouTube, Titus understood that this was a pretty cool opportunity.

Now, nothing against my dear husband, but if he had been along, the night would have been completely different. (Ray had a meeting and couldn't go, much to his dismay.) I'm a bit of a selfish rebel at times. I get what I'm after. And I was after a handshake and autograph from Senator Obama, the next president of the United States.

I had overheard a mother with a volunteer badge telling her 10 year old sons that after the speech they were to go over by a certain pillar and then they would line up and meet Barack. After asking one person if there was a line somewhere to meet Obama and getting an "I don't know", I decided to follow the mom.

I've always wanted to try the "if you act like you belong where you are, no one will know the difference" routine. So, we lined up and filed into a back room where about 40 volunteers gathered for a picture with Barack. I did 'fess up. Adding that I've been offering to volunteer via email but have not had any contact back even after a personal plea to call me soon. People were kind and poo-pooed my self asserted label of interloper.

Anyway, the end of the story is that some nice lady took my Audacity to Hope book and got it signed by "The Man", Titus and I both shook "The Man's" hand, we're in a group picture with him that will be emailed to us later, and Titus had his hair tousled by the next POTUS.

Truly a night to remember.

This looks like it could be good

Very rarely do I laugh at movie previews, but this one made me wet my pants:

The world is watching

There was an interesting NY Times piece recently looking at international attention on the presidential race. Here's the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/26/world/26abroad.html?th&emc=th

The conclussion is obvious, to me: electing Obama sends a message of hope and renewal to the world. I know that we're picking the next American president and that his focus, necessarily, has to be what is best for the United States. But the fact remains that he will also be a world leader, the first among equals. If we've learned anything in the last 20 years, it's that the fate of our nation and the world are intextricably intertwined. We can no longer go our own course, oblivious to how our actions impact our international family members.

Just some thoughts. Please read the article and tell me what you think.

my stuff: my identity?

When we moved we had a few things break. Our bed frame sat in the hall for months until we found a welder and had him do an $8 repair. Now that our mattress is off the floor, we feel like we sleep in a real bed again.

Then there was the issue of the broken glass. We had two casualties - our brass rubbing from St. Martin-in-the-Fields in London and our Norwegian sardine label display from the canning museum in Stavanger. Both our kind of art - not pricey, by any means ($7 to make the rubbing, $5 for three posters of labels courtesy of Amoco Oil) but unique and reflecting a part of our lives.

Anyway, yesterday I finally got the glass taken care of - measured, ordered, picked up, replaced in the frames - and got the pix up on the walls. I was so happy. I've missed our art/wall decor. I also hung our Beatles albums and our Gothenburg Sweden Opera poster. Our house is becoming OUR home more and more each day.

That got me thinking about a friend of mine who took down his art prints because he recognized that he put them out to impress people - he was looking for strokes of his significance based on his possessions. I've been there.

When we lived in my grandparents' basement for a while, we used her dishes. My things were packed away - plates, silverware and glasses that more often than not garnered compliments from guests. Instead when friends came over we ate off of white Correll ware with green flowers, mismatched plastic cups and mismatched silverware. I didn't get compliments anymore.

When I felt so happy yesterday, felt like I was once again living in my own space with my own memories surrounding me, I had a tinge of pride-check. Am I looking for approval? Am I trying to impress guests to our home with my "cool" stuff? I suppose we never really escape the abyss (Garden State reference) of our own ego.

I'm sure this is a case of over analyzing my own umbilicus. Oh well. I'm off to read in our great living room surrounded by Norroene Helter, Kvinnemotiv, og forskelige ting og tang.

Ha det bra mine venner!

P. S. I understand that my stuff communicates who I am to a degree, and I want to be known by people. So yes, when they come and feel the heft of my spoons and become intrigued with my sardine label display, I hope they see more of who I am and LIKE me! But all of that is held in check at least a bit. Just because I like my stuff doesn't mean anyone else will. There is always the probability that no matter how much I love my stuff and think it is just so utterly cool, other people don't necessarily think so. In that case, I'll be having the negative effect! Yikes!

what lies ahead

Tonight Ray was working it. At the close of a NKC School District function, he had a few minutes with the superintendent. Upon hearing that I was a school counselor and would be looking for a full-time job with the district next year, the superintendent said "let me know when she applies and I'll make sure to take care of it". We're not betting the farm on anything, but it is nice to have the connections.

Meanwhile, I will start substitute teaching in the next week or two. I'm still working 20 hr/wk at ADT Sat & Sun 2 pm to midnight. Much bettuh, indeed.

J-e-l-l-o

In case you don't know, I've been sick for over a week now. I'm feeling mostly better - still achy and still eating the bland, light diet of someone who has gastroenteritis.

The other day I drug myself out for some Jello, knowing that I just couldn't ask Ray to do yet another favor (though he has been a champ, as usual).

In my deluded mind our local QuikTrip would certainly carry those little snack packs of the wiggly treat. It was only a two block trip - and yes, I did take the car.

Good thing I did because they had no such soothing food for my upset system. So off I went to Price Chopper against my better judgment.

Price Chopper had Jello. With or without fruit, sugar-free or sugar-y. Pre-made or make your own. And more flavors than I knew existed. What I was after was peach. I don't know why, but peach Jello was about the only thing that sounded half-way appetizing. I struck out intent on getting it pre-made in nice little portions, so after digging through lots of orange, strawberry, and black cherry and coming up empty handed it was off to the aisle with the "made from scratch" option.

Now this is really why I'm writing. Ray said I had to. Whoever sets up the Jello section needs some basic lessons. When you have limited variations in box design and color, it would make sense to separate the same colors. I'm just saying that peach and apricot look a LOT a like. And both look a lot like orange. When you have 50 different flavors, why not organize them in a way that maximizes CONTRAST. Put cherry next to orange then lime then strawberry followed by peach and berry blue - continue with black cherry, apricot, watermelon, and pineapple. But for crying out loud, don't put the apricot and peach right beside each other!

Here's what happened. I finally spied the peach Jello and grabbed a box. Thinking that I might be on Jello exclusively for a few days, I grabbed a second box only to discover that I did not have peach, but apricot. "Whoa, that was close." I said to myself and put the apricot box back carefully exchanging it for its look-a-like neighbor Peach!

The whole trip exhausted me and left me nauseated from all of the sights and smells one experiences in a grocery store. I went straight to bed. The next day I awoke, determined to care for myself a bit by making my own peach Jello. Thinking it wiser to just double up the batch I reached in the bag and took out my second box of peach Jello - except it was Apricot.

I guess it was a good thing I switched my second box!

PS Peach & apricot mixed together isn't half bad.
PPS I know you're sharp and may be saying that the differences between peach & apricot are obvious and very distinct and that the problem is not with product placement but with this consumer. Well, next time I'm sick I'll call you! :-)

a must read

For Christmas I received a book called "Everything Must Change - Jesus, Global Crises, and a Revolution of Hope". Quite the ambitious and wide-sweeping title. But in its pages I've found what I've been hungry for.

My faith has been shifting from believing IN Jesus, to believing in the good news message, the gospel, of Jesus. I'm learning more about the historical context in which Jesus taught and it sheds a whole new light on the New Testament. Jesus has moved from this other-worldly teacher speaking in riddles and esoteric poetic language, to one who confronts injustice, violence, oppression, and systemic "evil" through a radical call to live differently. As followers of his way, we are to recreate the world in accordance to the values of the one true God.

I'm planning to re-read this book immediately and blog/journal my responses as I go along. It is that rich. Much of what I am reading reminds me of the message and values of my Mennonite brothers and sisters. I appreciate so much more their emphases of community, redemptive discipline, non-violence, ecological stewardship, and advocacy for the world's poor and oppressed.

Maybe you're turned off by such a list. Maybe you're perfectly content in your belief that Jesus is our savior. I challenge you to ask what that means. Could it mean more than a way to heaven when you die? Most of us who have believed in Jesus as the savior of the world also recognize his truth is to change the way we live. So is that way more than avoidance of "sin"? Could it be that Jesus called his followers to remake the world? Could he really have come to preach good news to the poor?

I think it is hard not to affirm that something is terribly wrong with our world. Is it possible that the way of Christ, the way of this Jew who lived in the throes of religious-political tensions of the Roman Empire 2000 years ago has something to say to our religious-political situation today? I know that if you'll read this book, you'll see a new side of the message of Jesus. Whether you believe in him as your personal savior or if you think he was just a wise/transcendent man, you'll find his message to be what we need now.

McLaren addresses the three spheres of equity, prosperity, and security and shows how our misguided value of amassing wealth and the resulting fears have created a huge mess. Blessed are the poor, indeed.

Have I stoked your curiosity? This book is a must read. And it has discussion questions with each chapter - how handy ;-). If you're interested, there will be a weekend seminar in Kansas City in April - might be cool to attend as a group...It is being sponsored locally in part by Nazarene Theological Seminary. Aaahhh. There is hope.

Barack Rocks!

"Hope is the bedrock of this nation, the belief that our destiny will not be written for us but by us, by all those men and women who are not content to settle for the world as it is but who have the courage to remake the world as it should be,"

Thanks to all my friends and family who were part of Barack's monumental victory last night in Iowa!

If you didn't pay attention to the political scene yesterday, check it out here. Ray says it was on for the ages.

so far so good

As many of you know, we have been trying to add to our family for about two years. Let me clarify - a baby, that is...

Today I received good news from my doctor's office indicating that I "passed" the first round of testing. My blood work indicates good FSH levels (needed 10 or below had 3.1) and good Estradiol levels (needed 50 or below had 37.1). They are going to check two androgen hormones, one of which is testosterone.

But, it sounds like the next step will be a hysterosalpingogram, a dye test checking for irregularities in my fallopian tubes and other interior plumbing.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I feel a huge relief making it past the first hurdle. According to our OB specialist, Dr. Gregory Starks, I'm at the 70/30 age where 70% of women cannot conceive. Add to it his remark that Clomid (the fertility drug I took last spring and summer) should, in his opinion, never be given to women over 40 because it can trigger menopause and you'll understand why this has been an emotional week for me & Ray. (I should add that I currently experience most of the menopausal symptoms - some of them seemingly quite random and recent...oh, and last spring I was not ovulating even with the Clomid.)

We'll keep you posted.

a very sweet holiday

Even though we spent Christmas in KC away from family, it was a rather special week. I had to work on Christmas day, so we had an early Christmas Eve with Legos, Operation, and Mr. Bean. After raking in double time & a half on Tuesday, we snuggled on the sofa and savored the Bourne movies. Much couch potato-ing those two days.

However, on Sunday night before Christmas, we had a visit from our friends Kurt & Cheri from NYC. It was great to see them. Monday they built a gingerbread house with Titus and hung out before going on to Oklahoma to see Kurt's parents. The best thing was that they stopped again on their way back to NYC. When they came on Thursday, they announced that they would stay an extra night...YIPPEE! So we had a great little tour of KC, riching in Mission Hills, a stroll on the Plaza, and BBQ at our favorite local place. It was so refreshing to have dear old friends with us. We look forward to visiting them on spring break in March for 1) Kurt's birthday 2) St. Patrick's Day - which is also Kurt's birthday and 3) Cheri's completion of design school.

Sandwiched in between was a dinner with Ray's old friends Pete & Trudi Matthews and their 4 kids. We had a great meal and even better conversation. Definitely a night where the presence of Christ was felt around the table. Peter is now an Anglican priest in Lexington.

I know that's just kind of a newsy post. I hope to get some pix from Cheri soon to add so that you can see proof of my existence. It has been many moons since I have been caught on camera...